Sunday column: Marriage

What have you done for your marriage today?
I saw this question on a billboard the other day as I was driving down the road, and it got me thinking.
I've been married all of 14 months, so a lot about it is still new and exciting to me. For example, I still catch myself smiling when I refer to "my husband." And my new last name doesn't sound quite right yet, but those things are just a matter of time.
I've been fortunate in my life to have a model of commitment in my parents' marriage. Logging more than 30 years as a married couple, they've stuck together though thick and thin and always provided our family with stability.
But, let's get back to that question: What have I done for my marriage today?
Well, I set a couple of alarm clocks this morning so my husband would wake up in time for his morning class. I bought his favorite snacks when I went grocery shopping. I apologized when I bit his head off because I was cranky, not because he'd done anything wrong.
Those sound like little things, but I think the point is that we married people need to constantly remember that our marriages need caring and attention every day, no matter how small the gesture.
In only 14 months of marriage, I've seen how easy it is to let the stress of everyday life consume all of our energy and time, leaving little left to offer the one you love. This can happen in all kinds of relationships, but it's marriage where it matters the most.
We all know the disheartening statistic that half of marriages in the United States end in divorce. If we want to change that and bring back the commitment, honesty and loyalty that the institution of marriage used to stand for, then we've got to start investing some time and energy in our relationships.
It's really a simple thing, like giving your husband a big hug or pushing his buttons a little less often, but it takes thoughtfulness.
Before I got married, I loved asking married people for their advice about marriage. I collected a few gems that I try to remember now that I've joined their ranks.
There was the old standby, "Never go to bed angry," which I admit we've broken several times. I don't know if I necessarily agree with it, since sometimes when you go to bed angry, you wake up with a fresh perspective and have forgotten what point of the fight was to begin with. At least, I do.
"Nothing that happens at the office is more important that your marriage." Coming from a veteran news reporter and editor, I knew this one carried a lot of meaning and experience. And it doesn't just apply to journalists. We would all benefit from gaining some perspective sometimes and remembering what's really important in life.
"You have to forgive and forget. If there's something you can't forget, you put it in your heart and keep it there." This advice was given to me by a woman who'd been married to the same man for more than 56 years. It doesn't sound like an easy thing to do, but the advice is full of wisdom and truth. I imagine you learn a lot about your spouse and about yourself after 56 years of marriage. This woman and her husband understand what true commitment is all about, and I take her words of wisdom to heart.
Even this week I encountered some marriage advice that rang true: "Every day, try to be the best wife (or husband) that you can be." That doesn't mean gifting my husband with a plasma TV (although if I did that, I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to bestow the Best Wife Ever title upon me). No, it just means remembering how much I love him and showing him how important he is to me every single day.
Now that I've got a little more than a year of marriage under my belt, maybe I can dole out some advice of my own. What I would say is to remember the little things, and value them. It's the simple traditions that will mean a lot no matter where you are or what your situation is.
So what did you do for your marriage today? If you cared for the baby while your spouse slept, cleaned up the kitchen, let your husband listen to his favorite music in the car or made your wife dinner, give yourself a pat on the back.
Then, let's all try to do it again tomorrow.

The "For Your Marriage" campaign, which also features some cute TV commercials, is actually a project of the Catholic church, which I think is awesome! Check it out right here.